Missing Honduras

The trip for Honduras left on Thursday (the same day as “THE BLIZZARD OF ’06!!!!” as the news exaggerated it.) Of course, I was not with them.

I have tried endlessly to try to get people to see my passion for these people. It seems that Americans are too caught up in their ways to see that there is a whole other world beyond their miniscule existence. I have seen some of this world. However, I have begun to understand that you can’t just force people to see what you see, and have them share in your enthusiasm. They have to go out and see it for themselves to truly understand. I count myself blessed to have seen it so early.

But I am not content just to see it once, or twice. Going there has planted in me a deep, unquenchable, God-given desire to go back, to be back. I can see those people now. I can see Henrry, a wonderful Christian Honduran, on the last day that I was with him and his family. He sat next to us, his face drawn in sadness as he tried to communicate his feelings to us, people who can’t even speak his own language. I remember him using packets of salt to illustrate to us what he was trying to say. Taking one packet, he said in Spanish, “This is you”. Then, pointing to the other, he said “This is me. Today, we are together.” He put the two packets side by side. “Tomorrow,” he said, now pulling them apart, “tomorrow, we will be apart”. How can I banish from my mind an image like that? I haven’t seen him since that day. Still apart. Still tomorrow.

I have struggled the past few days with this, asking God why he did not provide the money for me to go back. Why could I not be united again with the people that my heart lies with? I can never understand His mysterious ways, though I know that he has a reason for everything.However, I know that my story in Honduras is not over. I cannot stay away. Part of my heart will always be there with its people.

Here is a poem that I wrote.

My Torture

Wishing to be somewhere else
passion awakened,
How can I sleep in my own bed
when I know I can be
sleeping, fading, smiling
where I long to be?

I don’t want to be forgotten,
am I? or do they remember
as I do
their smiles, their love, their kisses
everything just how it should be
together today.

But am I just another girl
like all the others?
or am I in love
like no one else
do I have something
unique that brings me back

I know that in my eyes
this place is heaven
it is torture
to think that I could be
with them, I know
one week is to short, a lifetime too long

Will they remember
Will they ask
Will they wonder
where is she? Thinking of you.
Apart tomorrow.

I haven't been murdered yet....

I am sooooo bored. No one is home, so I'm pretty much just sitting here waiting for an ax murderer to come in and kill me. But he's taking forever to get here, so whatever. Hmmm... Yeah. There is nothing decent on tv, we don't have any movies, who wants to do their homework on a Sunday when you have Monday off, no one has emailed me since Friday night so I can't respond to anyone, and I am just plain BORED. Plus, my cat wants to be let out and is meowing in the most annoying fashion. I could kill him. But I think I'll let the ax murderer do that. Ugh. I wish youth group had lasted longer. Then I wouldn't have had as long to sit here and think about how bored I am. BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED. Oh, yeah there is one other complication. I slept in, therefore I am not tired yet so I can't go to bed. Plus, then the ax murderer would be able to attack me in my sleep and I at least want to go down fighting. Whatever. Okay, I guess I'll channel my boredom somewhere else. Who's going to read this anyways? I hope no one does. I don't want to make them as bored as I am... K bye.